I only have a few more weeks until I graduate from my 3-year degree. I remember on my very first day of university thinking, “I can’t wait till those 3 damn years are over!” Now I’m wishing they weren’t.
When I graduated year 12, the sensation of graduating was not the slightest bit emotional. In fact, I couldn’t wait to leave the graduation ceremony. Maybe because school was an endless routine of nothing really, and I hated it. When I started university, little did I know that those 3 years will take me on the roller-coaster ride of a lifetime. Never had I thought that I will end up finding myself, my faith, and my passion, while also having my work published, travelling the world, and making my first documentary. Not only that, but I never, in a million years, thought that I would get the job of my dreams before even graduating. I still have a month or so until my graduation, but I’m already working full-time in an industry I never thought I’d be in 10 years from now. Am I extremely happy and grateful? Yes, I completely and utterly am. Although, there is a small part of me that just wishes I didn’t get the job because it turned the page on a chapter I never wanted to finish. It was an enormous step in my life that came out of no where and I wasn’t ready for it. I feel more grown up now, more independent, more like an adult, and now living in the ‘real’ world.
Leaving the years of class timetables and assignments behind me, I have been trying to accept the reality of this new job. I’ve been trying to understand those ‘real’ job expectations, being around ‘real’ colleagues, and working in a ‘real’ office on ‘real’ things. Everything feels so serious, especially for someone who hasn’t graduated university yet. Combining my years of school and university, there has never been one serious moment in my life. I didn’t even take exams seriously. But now, all the work I do has a ‘real’ effect on the project at hand and on the industry profiting from this project. It feels like one small mistake could ruin everything.
Coming into an industry as a new graduate is hard. There is a lot of pressure to prove yourself worthy of your job position. Everyday, I walk into the office quite nervous. I work with very experienced people who have done outstanding work in the past, and yet, here I am, not even graduated, and almost peeing my pants. Due to my inexperience, I feel dumb or useless at times, I have trouble bringing new ideas to the table, and I get extremely nervous when given a new task in fear that I will fail at it. I am surrounded by constant fear every-time I’m at work; I get scared of speaking up, and I get scared answering a question. But, I’ve come to realise that it’s normal to feel this way as a recent graduate. Anyone who leaves their comfort zone is a little scared at first.
As time goes by, I’ve noticed that everyday I come into work, I’m a little less nervous. Rather, I get a little more confident and a little more excited. The best part of all of this is I’m finally moving forward and living the dreams I’ve only ever pictured in my head. Working in the field that I love feels like a holiday. I look forward to Monday and I don’t count down to the weekend. In fact, I enjoy the fear and anxiety of new prospects, the sensation of moving forward, and the emotional roller-coaster of finishing a chapter. I love the fact that I’m growing as a person. I found myself while in university, but now, the person I found is growing, accomplishing her dreams, and being genuinely happy.